WORLD SERIES –of spitting

If you’ve ever watched a basketball game on TV, you might have noticed the athletes never spit on the floor. Tennis players never spit on the courts. Golfers never spit on the greens. But baseball athletes are notorious for spitting. They’re notorious for crotch grabbing. They spit in the dugout…and spit on the infield…and in the S…S.and scratch their crotches (mostly while on base.)

I’m not much of a baseball fan except for the World Series. But I don’t watch the games to see which team scores the most points by running across home plate. I watch the World Series to see which team spits and crotch-grabs the most.

I still haven’t figured out why baseball players spit so much. It must have something to do with helping their team win. Why else would baseball players do it but basketball players don’t. If basketball players started spitting on the hardwoods, I’m sure it would change the dynamics of the game. Professional golfers would change the dynamics of their game if they started spitting on the fairways or greens…because the first golfer who hocked up one would finish out the round minus a few teeth.

Baseball players are the champions of spitting! As I watch the current World Series, I’m counting the number of times each team’s players spit and/or grab their crotch. By the time the World Series is over, one team will be crowned World Series Champions for having won the most games in the 7-game series….but one team will take home the crown for the most spits and most crotch-grabs.

I’ll tally the number of spits and crotch-grabs of each team and declare a champion. It matters not to me which team wins the most games or scores the most home runs. I’m just not that much of a baseball fan. I’m a football junky (which explains why I have omitted the fact that football players do a lot of spitting too….but they’re excused.) I would never write anything to demean football teams (unless it’s the Oakland Raiders.)

 

 

 

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3 Responses

  1. Bruce my friend, you’re weird, very, very weird.

  2. If you’re counting spits and crotch grabs, I think you have way too much time on your hands. By the way, what was the final tally and which team had the most?

  3. The top prize for spitting and crotch-grabbing goes to the Texas Rangers, but that’s to be expected since the aroma of marijuana permeated the infield, the outfield and the stands. Apparently, the San Francisco Giants are accustomed to it.

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